Go to London, I promise you’ll regret it.

Relaxing weekend away?

Not if it’s full of wankers like this…

“Yes I’m currently running a multi-national dealing with numerous foreign accounts, pulling in massive yearly projection shit that’s totally important to people I know”

I just went to go fucking sight seeing over the weekend because I’m a horrible tourist but between the blistering heat of the underground (that makes no fucking sense at all) and the madness of the streets above ground, there was no where I could actually relax! Staying in Camden was a mistake but I was so tired after destroying my brain trying to work out the fucking enigma code that is the tube map I didn’t care I pretty much passed out straight away, after watching the bill of course…

I just wondered around doing the normal London thing with a mate and we both decided the whole place was a load of old shit. St. James’ park was nice but couldn’t spend time in there because someone was walking around charging people for sitting on fucking chairs!!! The whole fucking place is a rip off and if I had my way everyone in Camden would grow up and start wearing normal clothes like everyone else.

‘Let’s go to Fuckingham palace…’

‘How do we get there?’

‘I’m not sure, where are we now?’

‘Erm…South Kensington’

‘So what line are we on?’

‘Well it’ll need to be green because the yellow line isn’t working today’

‘Why not’

‘Just isn’t’

‘You wanna just go back to Coventry, this place is a total shit box’

This is pretty much all we said for the entire day, I was too scared to get into a taxi incase they repossessed my house and took my family away to pay for the fare and I walked around all day scared I was going to get knifed at any momment.

I didin’t see one police officer working at all…what happened to terror and whatever, I was fucking terrified and there was no one to help me, fuck 9/11 I’m fucking scared and more important!

The main thing I took from it all is, The queens house is massive, everyone there is spanish and the whole place smells of gunpowder for some reason. Don’t go there, it sucks, if you live there, move somewhere else you will be much happier.